


Feeling Super S̶u̶i̶c̶i̶d̶a̶l̶

by basementmoth



Series: 2020 Oneshot Countdown [1]
Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Bulimia, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Komaeda Nagito Being Komaeda Nagito, Komaeda Nagito-centric, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide Attempt, Whump, but then again maybe not, kind of verges on, shit gets dark real fast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27843436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basementmoth/pseuds/basementmoth
Summary: 'The Remnants of Despair'thuh rem-nuhnts uhv dih-spairnoun1. refers to the group of high school students who helped Enoshima Junko wreak havoc on the world.After being woken up after the Neo World shutdown Nagito Komaeda is essentially famous or rather 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘴. His life is now filled with TV show interviews, VIP events, and meet ups. Life should be perfect. Everybody else part of the former 77th class of Hope's Peak seems to have gotten past, well, the past. So why can't Nagito do that?fic inpspired by the song Teen Idle by Marina and the Diamonds
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito
Series: 2020 Oneshot Countdown [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2038135
Comments: 9
Kudos: 80





	Feeling Super S̶u̶i̶c̶i̶d̶a̶l̶

**Author's Note:**

> The title is inspired by a lyric from the song, Teen Idle by Marina and the Diamonds, which this fic is heavily inspired by. 
> 
> The crossed out words respresent, 1) in first person: Nagito's intrusive thoughts 2) in third person: the thoughts that Nagito surpresses in order to manipulate himself into being "okay" aka essentially surpressing all "bad" emotions.
> 
> Warning: this fic contains graphic descriptions of self harm, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, death, forced throwing up and slight (not graphic) mentions of rape/non-con. if you are sensitive to any of these topics I would advise you to either turn away now, or proceed with caution. you have been warned. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used within this fic.

Nagito Komaeda held a bottle of blonde hair dye in his hand. M̶a̶y̶b̶e̶ c̶h̶a̶n̶g̶i̶n̶g̶ h̶i̶s̶ a̶p̶p̶e̶a̶r̶a̶n̶c̶e̶ w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ e̶r̶a̶s̶e̶ h̶i̶s̶ p̶a̶s̶t̶. His illnesses had caused the pigment of his hair to dissapear until his hair was white with a hint of redish brown and the tips. It would be nice to have some color in his hair again even if it was dyed. Y̶o̶u̶ c̶a̶n̶'t̶ e̶r̶a̶s̶e̶ t̶h̶e̶ p̶a̶s̶t̶. Komaeda chucked the bottle of hair dye into the trash can. It was a stupid idea to begin with.

. . . 

Nagito felt conned of his late teen years. He spent them h̶e̶l̶d̶ c̶a̶p̶t̶i̶v̶e̶ b̶y̶ t̶h̶e̶ W̶a̶r̶r̶i̶o̶r̶s̶ o̶f̶ H̶o̶p̶e̶ l̶i̶s̶t̶e̶n̶i̶n̶g̶ t̶o̶ t̶h̶e̶i̶r̶ e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶ c̶o̶m̶m̶a̶n̶d̶ w̶h̶i̶l̶e̶ h̶i̶s̶ p̶e̶e̶r̶s̶ d̶e̶s̶t̶r̶o̶y̶e̶d̶ t̶h̶e̶ w̶o̶r̶l̶d̶ w̶i̶t̶h̶ d̶e̶s̶p̶a̶i̶r̶ not living his best life like he should've. He wished could've been like the teens he'd see in movies, having fun and laughing with friends, not having a care in the world. He wished he hadn't g̶a̶v̶e̶ i̶n̶t̶o̶ d̶e̶s̶p̶a̶i̶r̶ wasted his teen years. 

. . . 

Hajime knocked at the door. I̶ d̶o̶n̶'t̶ d̶e̶s̶e̶r̶v̶e̶ t̶o̶ c̶a̶l̶l̶ h̶i̶m̶ H̶a̶j̶i̶m̶e̶. "Nagito? Um Mikan and I are going into the city for a night out. Would you like come with us?" H̶e̶ d̶o̶e̶s̶n̶'t̶ w̶a̶n̶t̶ m̶e̶ t̶o̶ c̶o̶m̶e̶. I̶ k̶i̶l̶l̶e̶d̶ C̶h̶i̶a̶k̶i̶ I̶'m̶ t̶h̶e̶ r̶e̶a̶s̶o̶n̶ s̶h̶e̶ i̶s̶n̶'t̶ h̶e̶r̶e̶ a̶n̶y̶m̶o̶r̶e̶. I̶ s̶h̶o̶u̶l̶d̶'v̶e̶ d̶i̶e̶d̶ n̶o̶t̶ h̶e̶r̶. 

"No thanks. I don't deserve to be seen in public with you." Nagito croaked out from his bed, voice sore from crying. 

"I'm gonna come in the room now, okay? I just wanna check on you, you don't sound too well." Hajime turned the door struggled to open the door from how cluttered Nagito's room was. Nagito sniffled as Hajime sat down on the edge of his bed. "What's wrong sweetheart?" Hajime's voice was soothing. I̶ d̶o̶n̶'t̶ d̶e̶s̶e̶r̶v̶e̶ t̶o̶ b̶e̶ t̶r̶e̶a̶t̶e̶d̶ t̶h̶i̶s̶ n̶i̶c̶e̶l̶y̶. 

Nagito sat up. "I-I don't..." was all Nagito was able to get out before he broke down in tears. Hajime made a sympathetic face. I̶'m̶ m̶a̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ h̶i̶m̶ s̶a̶d̶. I̶'m̶ a̶ h̶o̶r̶r̶i̶b̶l̶e̶ b̶o̶y̶f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶. Hajime moved his hand to rub Nagito's back before pausing halfway.

"Is it okay if I rub your back?" Nagito nodded weakly in response. Hajime placed his hand on Nagito's back and rubbed it. Nagito's breath hitched in his mouth. H̶e̶'s̶ g̶o̶n̶n̶a̶ h̶u̶r̶t̶ m̶e̶. H̶e̶'s̶ h̶u̶r̶t̶ m̶e̶. H̶e̶'s̶ g̶o̶n̶n̶a̶ h̶u̶r̶t̶ m̶e̶. N̶o̶n̶o̶n̶o̶n̶o̶ n̶o̶t̶ a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶. N̶o̶ n̶o̶ n̶o̶ n̶o̶. His breathing sped up. He tried to breathe normally, he really did try but he couldn't seem to. His mind clouded with fear. He couldn't process anything anymore, everything was just a blur. Suddenly he heard Hajime's voice. He couldn't make out what he was saying but he was sure it was Hajime's voice. 

"Can you hear me Nagito?" Nagito nodded. "Good. Copy my breathing. Inhale....exhale....inhale....exhale....inhale....exhale....inhale....exhale...." This went on for what seemed like forever until Komaeda's breathing was able to get back to a normal pace. "I'm sorry. I should've known that that was a bad idea. It's not your fault that you didn't expect it to trigger you. I should've made better judgement." 

"It's fine." I̶t̶'s̶ n̶o̶t̶ f̶i̶n̶e̶. H̶e̶ s̶h̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'t̶ b̶e̶ a̶p̶o̶l̶o̶g̶i̶z̶i̶n̶g̶ f̶o̶r̶ m̶y̶ m̶i̶s̶j̶u̶d̶g̶m̶e̶n̶t̶. 

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Hajime asked.

"I guess I'll come." I̶'m̶ j̶u̶s̶t̶ g̶o̶n̶n̶a̶ m̶a̶k̶e̶ a̶ f̶o̶o̶l̶ o̶f̶ m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶. I̶ w̶a̶n̶t̶ t̶h̶e̶ w̶o̶r̶l̶d̶ t̶o̶ g̶o̶ a̶w̶a̶y̶.

. . . 

Komaeda slumped against the wall of the club. H̶e̶ d̶o̶e̶s̶n̶'t̶ k̶n̶o̶w̶ w̶h̶y̶ h̶e̶ a̶g̶r̶e̶e̶d̶ t̶o̶ c̶o̶m̶e̶ h̶e̶r̶e̶. He was having fun, he was just a bit tired from dancing that's all. Occasionally people had walked up to him and said they were a big fan of him and though that he was 'so strong having gone through so much within the span of only a few years'. Y̶e̶a̶h̶ r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶. It was nice that strangers thought that of him. I̶ d̶o̶n̶'t̶ d̶e̶s̶e̶r̶v̶e̶ t̶h̶e̶ a̶t̶t̶e̶n̶t̶i̶o̶n̶. It was so cool that people thought so greatly of him. I̶'m̶ a̶ f̶a̶k̶e̶. I̶'m̶ n̶o̶t̶ s̶t̶r̶o̶n̶g̶. I̶'m̶ n̶o̶t̶ e̶v̶e̶n̶ o̶k̶a̶y̶ a̶n̶d̶ i̶t̶'s̶ b̶e̶e̶n̶ a̶l̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ a̶ y̶e̶a̶r̶ s̶i̶n̶c̶e̶ I̶ w̶o̶k̶e̶ u̶p̶. 

. . . 

Nagito sat on the bathroom floor tears streaming down his face, body shaking with each sob. G̶o̶o̶d̶ t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ H̶a̶j̶i̶m̶e̶ i̶s̶n̶'t̶ h̶o̶m̶e̶ t̶o̶ s̶e̶e̶ t̶h̶i̶s̶. H̶e̶ s̶h̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'t̶ h̶a̶v̶e̶ t̶o̶ s̶e̶e̶ m̶e̶ l̶i̶k̶e̶ t̶h̶i̶s̶ m̶o̶r̶e̶ t̶h̶a̶n̶ h̶e̶ a̶l̶r̶e̶a̶d̶y̶ h̶a̶s̶.

Komaeda screamed in anguish. It hurt. Everything hurt. His mind, his arms in which crimson blood was oozing out of, more and more each second. His shaking hand reached to grab the bloodied razor blade on the black and white tiles of the bathroom floor that by now had blood drips all over, some even creating smaller puddles. I̶ w̶i̶s̶h̶ I̶ c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ e̶r̶a̶s̶e̶ m̶y̶ p̶a̶s̶t̶. I̶ w̶a̶n̶t̶ t̶o̶ e̶r̶a̶s̶e̶ m̶y̶ p̶a̶s̶t̶. I̶ n̶e̶e̶d̶ t̶o̶ e̶r̶a̶s̶e̶ m̶y̶ p̶a̶s̶t̶. Nagito hovered the blade above his forearm. He lowered it and pressed down and then swiped it across his arm with a swift motion. Blood pooled at the top of his self inflicted wound. More tears fell from his eyes and landed on his arm and the bathroom floor. He did the motion two more times each time the burning shooting pain would return and sooth the ache in his heart. I̶ c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ d̶o̶ i̶t̶ a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶. A̶ d̶e̶e̶p̶e̶r̶ v̶e̶r̶t̶i̶c̶a̶l̶ l̶i̶n̶e̶, r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ a̶l̶o̶n̶g̶ m̶y̶ v̶e̶i̶n̶. What was he thinking? He could die from that. D̶e̶a̶t̶h̶ w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ b̶e̶ a̶ r̶e̶l̶e̶a̶s̶e̶. N̶o̶ m̶o̶r̶e̶ a̶c̶h̶e̶ i̶n̶ m̶y̶ h̶e̶a̶r̶t̶. N̶o̶ m̶o̶r̶e̶ p̶a̶i̶n̶. O̶n̶l̶y̶ s̶o̶o̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ n̶o̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶n̶e̶s̶s̶. Komaeda turned his arm over to the other side, causing more blood to puddle onto the bathroom floor. He hovered the blade over his underarm only this time, vertically. He hesitated. Was this really what he wanted? What about Hajime? H̶a̶j̶i̶m̶e̶ h̶a̶t̶e̶s̶ y̶o̶u̶. H̶e̶ w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'t̶ m̶i̶s̶s̶ y̶o̶u̶. D̶o̶n̶'t̶ b̶e̶ a̶ f̶o̶o̶l̶. T̶h̶i̶s̶ i̶s̶ w̶h̶a̶t̶ y̶o̶u̶ w̶a̶n̶t̶, t̶h̶i̶s̶ i̶s̶ w̶h̶a̶t̶ y̶o̶u̶ N̶E̶E̶D̶. Tears streamed out Komaeda's eyes as he pressed the blade down harder than he ever had before. He swiped the blade up his underarm for what he hoped would be the last time. The pain was almost calming as blood dripped off his arm into bigger puddles on the floor.

  
Suddenly he heard the door slam open. He heard the rustling as someone took their shoes off, presumably Hajime, then he heard the crinkle of a plastic bag as Hajime stepped further into the house. "Nagito I'm home!" Hajime called out. Nagito started to loose vision slowly. "Nagito? Where are you?" Hajime's footsteps walked closer to the bathroom door, which was open. Komaeda heard footsteps stop abruptly in front of the door. Hajime gasped and rushed over to Nagito. By then his vision was almost completely gone and his breathing was starting to slow. "Nagito. Nagito! Stay with me please! I can't loose you not aga-" was what Komaeda heard right before he lost consciousness. 

  
. . . 

  
Komaeda awoke again to see an off white ceiling. He slowly sat up and registered that he was in a hospital bed. I̶t̶ d̶i̶d̶n̶'t̶ w̶o̶r̶k̶?̶ O̶h̶ t̶h̶a̶t̶'s̶ a̶ s̶h̶a̶m̶e̶. G̶u̶e̶s̶s̶ I̶'m̶ e̶v̶e̶n̶ u̶s̶e̶l̶e̶s̶s̶ a̶t̶ o̶f̶f̶i̶n̶g̶ m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶. N̶o̶t̶ t̶h̶a̶t̶ I̶ s̶h̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'t̶ h̶a̶v̶e̶ g̶u̶e̶s̶s̶e̶d̶ t̶h̶a̶t̶ a̶l̶r̶e̶a̶d̶y̶. "N...agito?" croaked out a half asleep Hajime. 

"I'm sorry you had to see that. I didn't expect you get home that early. I probably ruined your day, didn't I?" Nagito looked down at his hands as he spoke. He didn't want to see the pitiful look that Hajime was most likely giving him. Hajime sighed.

"I'm just glad you're alive," Hajime spoke in a calming voice as if he spoke in a normal tone Nagito would break. Komaeda hated when people spoke to him as if he was fragile. He wasn't fucking fragile. Y̶e̶a̶h̶ n̶o̶t̶ f̶r̶a̶g̶i̶l̶e̶. Y̶e̶t̶ y̶o̶u̶ c̶a̶n̶'t̶ e̶v̶e̶n̶ g̶e̶t̶ o̶v̶e̶r̶ w̶h̶a̶t̶ h̶a̶p̶p̶e̶n̶e̶d̶ a̶l̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ a̶ y̶e̶a̶r̶ a̶g̶o̶, p̶a̶t̶h̶e̶t̶i̶c̶. 

. . . 

Kamakura was right in front of Nagito. Nagito's whole body shook with fear, quite literally. H̶e̶'s̶ g̶o̶n̶n̶a̶ r̶a̶p̶e̶ m̶e̶ a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶. Kamakura suddenly shoved Komaeda down onto the wood floor. Nagito's breath hitched in his mouth. N̶o̶ n̶o̶t̶ a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶. Kamakura bit Nagito's neck, which made the latter moan unwillingly. "Who would've known the Ultimate Lucky Student is a whore?" W̶o̶r̶t̶h̶l̶e̶s̶s̶ w̶h̶o̶r̶e̶. T̶h̶a̶t̶'s̶ a̶l̶l̶ I̶ a̶m̶. Kamakura proceeded with the unwanted actions while Komaeda's body quaked.

. . . 

The monster that was Kamakura was still in Hajime's body a day after. Komaeda had tried to avoid him but eventually he had to grab a phone charger and made the decision to go out to the kitchen where he was. 

Kamakura smirked at Nagito in a seductive way. W̶h̶o̶r̶e̶. Something deep inside Nagito snapped. He dove forward at Kamakura. He grabbed harshly onto his suit and yanked him forward. "I want back my virginity! I hate you! I hate you I hate you I hate y-" Kamakura slapped Komaeda then kicked him to the ground before he could continue any further. M̶i̶s̶t̶a̶k̶e̶. B̶i̶g̶ m̶i̶s̶t̶a̶k̶e̶. H̶e̶'s̶ g̶o̶n̶n̶a̶ g̶e̶t̶ m̶e̶ n̶o̶w̶. And just like that it happened again.

. . .

Hajime was back. Nagito couldn't bear to look at him. All he reminded him of was what Kamakura had done to him, using Hajime's body. Komaeda wiped the tears off his face and then slowly stood up and grabbed the coat off his floor and put it on. He grabbed some money and left to the store. He grabbed a crate of beer and then went home. Nagito downed three bottled in one sitting. His mind felt numb at last. I̶ c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ d̶r̶i̶n̶k̶ t̶h̶e̶ w̶h̶o̶l̶e̶ c̶r̶a̶t̶e̶. T̶h̶a̶t̶'d̶ e̶n̶d̶ i̶t̶ a̶l̶l̶ f̶o̶r̶e̶v̶e̶r̶. No not today. Soon though. 

. . .

Komaeda sat at then dinner table with Hajime. H̶a̶j̶i̶m̶e̶'l̶l̶ h̶u̶r̶t̶ m̶e̶. H̶e̶'l̶l̶ p̶u̶s̶h̶ m̶e̶ o̶n̶t̶o̶ t̶h̶e̶ k̶i̶t̶c̶h̶e̶n̶ f̶l̶o̶o̶r̶ a̶n̶d̶ t̶h̶e̶n̶ r̶a̶p̶e̶ m̶e̶. I̶ n̶e̶e̶d̶ t̶o̶ g̶e̶t̶ o̶u̶t̶ o̶f̶ h̶e̶r̶e̶. No, he's not Kamakura. He wouldn't do that. H̶o̶w̶ c̶a̶n̶ y̶o̶u̶ b̶e̶ s̶u̶r̶e̶?̶ Nagito ate more of his steak in order to distract himself. S̶t̶e̶a̶k̶?̶ T̶h̶e̶r̶e̶'s̶ 6̶7̶9̶ c̶a̶l̶o̶r̶i̶e̶s̶ i̶n̶ o̶n̶e̶ s̶t̶e̶a̶k̶. Y̶o̶u̶'l̶l̶ g̶e̶t̶ f̶a̶t̶. P̶u̶k̶e̶ i̶t̶. P̶u̶k̶e̶ i̶t̶ a̶l̶l̶ u̶p̶. Komaeda ran to the bathroom and stuck two fingers down his mouth. He pushed them further into his mouth until they hit his gag reflux. He hit his gag reflux multiple times until he threw up all his food into the toilet. Hajime stood at the door. A mixture of disappointment and sadness was on his face. Nagito broke down into tears. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry..." 

"No, no it's okay. I'm here for you. Don't worry." Hajime stroked Komaeda's back as he leaned over the toilet. H̶e̶'s̶ g̶o̶n̶n̶a̶ h̶u̶r̶t̶ y̶o̶u̶. Komaeda's flight or fight instinct kicked in. He ran to his room and locked the door. He then flung himself onto his bed and cried into his pillow.

. . .

Hajime had caught Nagito cutting again. This time he didn't attempt to comfort him. Instead he snapped. "I-I'm done with this Nagito. With your self harm, your suicidal ideation, your PTSD, your depression, your anxiety, and most importantly you. I can't fucking take it anymore! Everyday it's another fucking challenge to get you to actually take care of yourself for once!" Komaeda looked down at the ground in shame. His lip quivered and tears welled in his eyes. He wasn't trying to upset Hajime. He couldn't help his triggers. Y̶e̶s̶ y̶o̶u̶ c̶a̶n̶. I̶f̶ y̶o̶u̶ h̶a̶d̶ j̶u̶s̶t̶ s̶t̶o̶p̶p̶e̶d̶ K̶a̶m̶a̶k̶u̶r̶a̶ y̶o̶u̶ w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'t̶ b̶e̶ h̶a̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ t̶h̶i̶s̶ p̶r̶o̶b̶l̶e̶m̶, n̶o̶w̶ w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ y̶o̶u̶?̶ It was hard to stop self harming, it is an addiction after all. Therapy wouldn't work. I̶'m̶ b̶e̶y̶o̶n̶d̶ f̶i̶x̶a̶b̶l̶e̶. I̶'m̶ a̶ b̶r̶o̶k̶e̶n̶ v̶a̶s̶e̶ t̶h̶a̶t̶ n̶o̶b̶o̶d̶y̶ w̶a̶n̶t̶s̶. "I'm fucking done with this! All that's ever the focus around here are your problems! Well guess what? Not every fucking day has to be about you, you selfish asshole! There's other people! All you want is attention! All you crave is attention! I bet you love all the attention you get on TV now that you're famous!" Tears streamed down Komaeda's cheeks. He never meant for everything to be about him. That wasn't what was trying to do.

"No I really don't love the attention. I'd rather jump off a cliff to my death than keep being famous." Nagito spoke, voice small and trembling. 

"Why don't you go do that then?" 

"I don't deserve the attention that you gave me, nor the money that you worked hard for while I cried myself to sleep in my room. I'm greatly sorry."

"Good! Be sorry! Cause I'm done! get your things and leave!" 

. . .

Komaeda had enough money to rent out a small studio apartment. While he was cooking he saw his half empty bottle of pills sitting on the counter. T̶a̶k̶e̶ t̶h̶e̶m̶. O̶v̶e̶r̶d̶o̶s̶e̶. Y̶o̶u̶ h̶a̶v̶e̶ n̶o̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ t̶o̶ l̶i̶v̶e̶ f̶o̶r̶. C̶o̶m̶e̶ o̶n̶, w̶h̶a̶t̶'r̶e̶ y̶o̶u̶ w̶a̶i̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ f̶o̶r̶?̶ Nagito grabbed the bottle and took out a quarter of them and set them on the counter. He then filled a glass of water and downed the pills. Shortly after he lost conciousness. 

. . .

Nagito awoke a day later. I̶t̶ w̶a̶s̶n̶'t̶ e̶n̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ I̶ g̶u̶e̶s̶s̶. S̶e̶c̶o̶n̶d̶ s̶u̶i̶c̶i̶d̶e̶ a̶t̶t̶e̶m̶p̶t̶ a̶n̶d̶ I̶ f̶a̶i̶l̶e̶d̶ a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶. I̶'m̶ p̶a̶t̶h̶e̶t̶i̶c̶. 

. . .

Komaeda stared at his reflection in the mirror. He felt like such a narcissist for staring so long, though the thing was he couldn't stop staring at his flaws. His face was too chubby, his arms were chubby too, scratch that everywhere was chubby. I̶ s̶h̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ s̶t̶a̶r̶v̶e̶ m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶. N̶o̶ o̶n̶e̶ w̶i̶l̶l̶ l̶i̶k̶e̶ m̶e̶ i̶f̶ I̶'m̶ n̶o̶t̶ t̶h̶i̶n̶. 

. . .

A month had passed since Hajime had kicked him out. Nagito had started a cycle of not eating anything all day, then binging on food later in the day, followed by puking it all into the toilet. The wind brushed his skin as he walked to the town center. He stopped when he arrived at the bridge. He took this suicide note out of his pocket. T̶h̶i̶s̶ i̶s̶ i̶t̶. He took off his jacket and slumped it over the bridges railing. He then taped the note to the railing. He slipped off his shoes and took off his socks. Komaeda climbed ontop of the railing. He could see the whole city from here. How nice. If only he wasn't here to end his life, then he'd be able to enjoy the sunrise view better. O̶h̶ w̶e̶l̶l̶. I̶ s̶h̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ g̶e̶t̶ o̶n̶ w̶i̶t̶h̶ i̶t̶. "Hey! You're Nagito Komaeda right? Don't do it you have so much to live for!" Komaeda turned around to look at the stranger. He ignored the strangers pleas and moved one foot behind him then tilted his body backwards too. Soon enough he was headed straight for the water. Time seemed to move in slow motion. He saw strangers starting to gather at the edge of the bridge, peering over to watch him fall. Tears started to fall down his face. M̶y̶ l̶a̶s̶t̶ t̶e̶a̶r̶s̶. Nagito then felt a sharp pain and was plunged into the water. He felt blood start to seep out of him as his breathing slowly came to a stop.

𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘏𝘢𝘫𝘪𝘮𝘦. 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺.

\- 𝘍𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴 "𝘍𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳",  
𝘕𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘵𝘰 𝘒𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘦𝘥𝘢

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to go into the story in a bit more depth. 
> 
> Nagito feels burdened by the fact that everyone else has gotten past what happened but him. He feels alone and isolated from everyone else. On top of that he has to deal with the PTSD caused by Kamakura raping him. (I don't have a specific timeline of when this happened for the first time but if I had to say I would say sometime during the time that Komaeda was Servant.) It's hard to have Hajime touch him because it triggers panic attacks, but he also longs for touch from Hajime. Later in the story when Kamakura rapes him again, twice, he has an even harder time with Hajime, not just being touched by him, but even being around him makes him feel unsafe and has him constantly on the verge of a panic attack.
> 
> Hajime snaps later in the story. I don't see him as a bad character and I don't think he would typically react like this. However with the combination of the stress that he already has and the stress of trying to make sure Komaeda doesn't off himself causes him to snap under the pressure and yell at Komaeda to leave. While I don't think this is an appropriate way to react, I can understand why he does this.


End file.
